Clean Sheets!!....OKAY?!?!

So, yesterday I changed the sheets on the bed where Audrey and I sleep, for the first time in, oh, almost three months! (I did change the pillow cases at least once during that time; those get gross.) That is just how crappy I have been feeling for the past three months, willing to sleep in all manner of disgusting things, willing to put my CHILD to bed in such sheets, because I was not up for changing them. But now, just this week, I am finally feeling pretty darn good! (Although, as I write this, I can tell I'm coming down with Audrey's latest cold. Grrr....) The morning sickness and fatigue have abated!! My kitchen is 80% totally scrubbed clean for the first time since August, I did three or four loads of laundry yesterday, Audrey had a bath, my house is half-way decorated for Christmas---all this in just two days!!! Amazing!!! [You know how good it feels to climb into clean sheets? Imagine MY pleasure last night, slipping into clean sheets after so many months of the same, nasty bedding!!!!]

But, all is not clean-sheet bliss around here. With the passing of the morning sickness has come new fun: acne and major bitchiness. It's like I'm thirteen all over again, only this time without the bad perm (shudder...). I feel so sorry for Audrey and Danny, who are bearing the brunt of my snappiness. Audrey is transitioning out naps and has a cold, so she is WHINY and crying for half the day, and my tolerance for that kind of communication is very low. Poor girl! Danny made some comment to me about our house-hunt the other night and I about bit his head off. "Was that an annoying thing to say," he asked, genuinely perplexed by my heated reaction.

I really think the mega-bitch problem is due to low blood sugar. I am so FREAKIN' hungry ALL the time--even right after I eat, which is SO annoying. I can't eat any of the high-fat, high-cal yummy foods that could provide extra calories (ice cream, cheese, butter, potato chips) because of the skin prob. My house is stocked with super healthy foods that probably take as many calories to prepare as I get from eating them. If you have any stick-with-you food suggestions, please let me know! My family thanks you in advance.

Population Control

After having Audrey, I was feeling kind of sad about having only two kids, since that's what Danny and I agreed to, and that's what makes sense. But when she was about one-year-old, everyone around me was pregnant and I went SO baby crazy, thinking, "Why should the religious wackos be the only ones to have ten kids? Shouldn't the enlightened, intelligent, progressive among us also birth a 'quiver-full' to counteract the scary, miseducated conservative Christians over-populating the country?" (Read Mark Morford's excellent columns on liberals breeding, and on the Duggar family.)


But NOW, now that I am actually knocked up again, I am saying THANK GOD that Danny only wants two kids because I am NEVER doing this again!!! I am wondering how that Duggar woman has spent so many years of her life pregnant. Because it is a pain in the ass! And it makes you feel...not right a lot of the time. But I guess pregnant-weird is her normal.

I think if Danny were not an environmentalist, he might want me to pop out even more kiddos, because dude is BABY crazy!! He gets more excited around babies than I do these days. Mr. Mush. [I am actually feeling excited about Baby Two, also. We'll hopefully find out the gender in a couple weeks, and we've started talking to Audrey about it.]

So, when the times comes, Danny has volunteered to go under the knife to make sure we don't inadvertently follow in the, um, footsteps of the Duggars. I worry a little about the possible finality of such a procedure (especially if something were to happen to me, god forbid, and Danny remarried), but we are just TOO fertile to not take such measures!!! And, Danny already has a support group at work, some guys calling themselves The Clipper Club. Thanks, hon!

Technical matter: comments

I've changed the commenting option so that anyone can leave a comment without having to be a registered anything. So, you know, leave some comments, ya'll.

Oh, come ON!

I have a back log of posts (not to mention things to do around the house) that I'm never going to get to, it seems, as it is one thing after another here. Sheesh. I FINALLY got over the UTI, but being on the antibiotics gave me a yeast infection (joy), which I just finally got over yesterday and had begun to think of all the things I could get to starting today, since the morning sickness is also almost all gone (but not totally yet), and then I came down with Audrey's cold last night!!! She's also been doing some CRAZY teething, waking up in hysterics in the middle of the night, so I'm too tired to do much of anything. And then my car broke down, so we couldn't go anywhere anyway. Turns out it was just the battery, so if we are ever healthy and well rested, we will go somewhere! I really have quite a lot of shit to take care of before this second kid arrives, so ENOUGH with the health issues already!!!

Say What?!?

Like most parents, we have to be careful what we say around Audrey because she is very very good at repeating things. I know a lot of kids are parrots when it comes to picking up things we'd rather not hear them saying, as well as the funny things we egg on, but Audrey seems quite extraordinary at memorizing what she hears. She can recite whole poems, nursery rhymes, and song lyrics. She picks up rather adult turns-of-phrase and then uses them in appropriate situations, to our amusement. One of her favorite lines right now is "I can't quite believe it!", which she got from a favorite book of poems. She's managed to pull that out at some opportune times. Another one is, "It's a little bit tart."

So, combine that with the Election Fever that is raging in our household, and it is endless make-your-toddler-say-funny-shit fun. Danny and I spend WAY too much time these days talking politics, pouring over newspapers and news magazines, logging onto to FiveThirtyEight.com, and staying up past bedtime to watch iTunes downloads of the Daily Show and Colbert Report. My folks being over here a lot to lend a hand has not helped matters either, as we sit around with them and compare the latest polls, articles and TV segments everyone has just seen.

Every so often, Audrey will exclaim, "Obama!" (Okay, so we taught her that one; it's a fun word to say!) But now she's starting to say, "John McCain!" a lot, especially as a kind of call-and-response thing after we say Obama. This was a bit embarrassing at the co-op the other night, where the clientele are decidedly leftist, with Audrey loudly, repeatedly exclaiming, "JOHN MCCAIN!!!" We're trying to teach her to spit and say "blech" every time she says John McCain, but so far no go.

The other morning at breakfast she was babbling away as she does all day long, and I thought I heard her say a certain phrase, but then thought, Naw... Then she said it again, clear as day: "Did you see that Daily Show?" Later on, she started adding, "It was so funny!" Oh lord.

Related item: we have a lot of loud Harley's in our neighborhood (NOTHING compared to the biker house that ZestyJenny lives near! Ours are just a bunch of mid-life-crisis doctors and dentists from the tony part of town we are next to). They annoy us with their loudness at all hours of the day and night; even Audrey notices them and says, "Noisy!" It has been VERY difficult for me to not teach her to say, "ASSHOLE!" every time she hears one. It would be soooo easy, but I refrain.... She'll probably pick it up anyway eventually, because that's the response those things always generate from me and Danny (just a little more under our breath these days).

"B" is for Boobie

Audrey's current best friend is a little red Elmo doll. If you know our stance on licensed characters, you may be wondering about Elmo's presence in our home. After Audrey was born I unearthed a box of stuffed animals from my teen and college years; among the bears and bunnies was Elmo. (A life-long Muppet fan, I have a vague recollection of some phase in my early 20s in which I thought Elmo was SO cute that I had to have a little toy doll of him. WTF?) Anyway, Elmo got tossed in the thrift-store pile, which of course never got hauled away, and that is where Audrey discovered him. It was love at first sight. She hugs him and says, "Elmo....he's pretty special."

So, the other day, as I lay on the couch, as I'm wont to do these days (see: "Beware of Thingies" post), Audrey was busy being a very good mommy to Elmo. She would have a drink of water, then Elmo would, back and forth. Then she looked at me. "Elmo wants milk." Being a sport, I said "sure" and held Elmo up to my shirt. Not what she had in mind. "Open it!" she commanded, lifting up my shirt and positioning Elmo on my NIPPLE (conveniently right there, since I never wear a bra these days...). As I lay there with Elmo latched on in the "side-lying" position, I was thinking that after two years of nursing this kid, my boobs had probably seen it all. But then I realized that with Audrey's imagination and vocabulary growing by leaps and bounds every day, lord only knows what's yet in store for my tits!! At least Elmo doesn't have teeth....

What a Week!

We survived a four-day visit from the in-laws (let me know if you need any parenting advice, as I heard more than my share).

Audrey had one doctor appointment and I had three. I have to see an OB in addition to my midwives in order for any tests that I might want to be covered by insurance. Grrr.... The OB I was randomly assigned is this really young (REALLY young), nice, cute guy, so I feel a little bad that I'm just using him.... (I was going to put his picture here, but he's the one doc in the office without his picture online.) Audrey had her two-year check-up; "she's perfect!" the doc says. She never did come down with the dreaded Hand, Foot & Mouth disease. Cousin Phoenix is all better, but we're still going to wait awhile before going to visit them, in case any germs are lingering in their house.

I came down with a UTI, tried some natural remedies but things only got worse, so now am on antibiotics, which totally freaks me out in regard to Mr. Fetus, but I have been hearing from other moms who had to be on them while preggo and did not have mutant babies. Oh, and they make me feel ill (on top of the morning sickness), so that's fun. But, an untreated UTI can lead to mental retardation in the babe, so that's really not good.

Audrey's been doing some MAJOR teething and is bounding into some new "terrific twos" territory. ("My, she has a lot of opinions," said Grandma after babysitting her on Friday.) The other day at lunch, she sat in her chair and looked right at me while doing several things in a row that she knows drive me crazy: smeared soup all over herself, dumped out her water, threw a dish on the floor and tugged on her nipples. I think a lot of the "twos" stuff has to do with teething pain, and lack of sleep from teething, and having cabin fever from being stuck at home with me all day, almost every day.


Danny had his knee surgery on Friday, which ended up actually being on one of the easier situations of the week. They did the chop job this time instead of a repair, which means his knee is not delicate like before and he can use it right away. He didn't even need any of his pain medication, which bummed him out, since it was codeine that made him feel sooooo good after the one pill he did pop. (Spared me from having to hear a lot of babbling.) Most importantly, I told every nurse and anesthesiologist that came around in pre-op about just HOW PUKING SICK he was after his knee surgery three years ago (because NO WAY could I handle that right now), so they gave him an anti-nauseous patch behind his ear and looked up his medical record to give him totally different drugs in surgery this time. WOW! What a difference! I could tell as soon as he came out of surgery that he was way less dopey. No puking whatsoever, and by Saturday he was pretty much back to life as usual. He and Audrey played out in the yard a bunch yesterday, we took a walk to the coffee shop, etc. He still has a limp and has to be careful not to squat or twist for a few weeks, but otherwise, is doing great! We ended up doing disposables for only one day, because he's fine doing laundry, and Audrey HATED them. She kept trying to pull them off, saying, "It feels funny." And we missed seeing her cute big booty.


We just kept telling ourselves all week how easy life is going to seem in a few weeks when I'm feeling better and his knee is all better and (hopefully) Audrey's teeth are in.

Oh, and I have a bump! It probably doesn't look like anything to you, but it's a definite bump! This is more belly than I usually have!

Check this out!!

My mom and her friend Eunice---who is on VACATION, visiting from NoDak---came over Friday morning and CLEANED MY HOUSE! I should have taken some "before" photos, because it did not look like a home that was about to have house guests for the weekend or host a birthday dinner/party for Audrey. Mom and Eunice did dishes, dusted the living room and dining room, vacuumed, washed floors, cleaned the bathroom and got hideous spots out of my carpet with my mom's little mini steam cleaner! Wow! Thanks, ladies! Audrey was playing in the playroom later and said, "The mess is allllll gone."

This is why I am stuck in Excremento. My folks have been helping us out in a big way since I've been feeling crappy and Danny hurt his knee. They bring us food, do my dishes, haul our dirty clothes to their house to launder. They showed up yesterday with ALL the food for the party: lasagna, salad, bread, wine, cupcakes... They and Seth and Heidi drive across town to pick up Audrey and get her out of the house for a change of scenery. My mom might take some time off work after Danny's surgery to come take care of all of us, if I'm still not feeling great. My folks are our only baby sitter (not that we go out all that much). NO WAY can we give all that up! Plus, Audrey is head-over-heels for all of them. Sigh. But why'd it have to be SACRAMENTO where we all ended up???

[We wanted to have a big bash for Audrey's b-day like we did last year, but weren't up for it, so poor Audrey had mostly people over age 60 at her 2nd birthday celebration, which actually wasn't too bad, because she got LOTS of attention. Also in attendance but not pictured here are Danny and Cousin Ava (4 mos.).]

[HF&M disease update: we are so far not catching it! Yay! Poor Phoenix is SOOOOOO sick. Uncle Seth really really really did not want to miss Audrey's b-day party, but we forbid him to attend. No plague here, please! I'm taking A in for her 2-year check-up tomorrow and am not going to let her touch ANYTHING in the waiting room or doctor's office, since this scourge is rampaging all through town!!!!]

OH, HAPPY DAY!! Oh wait....DAMN!

So, I was a total stressball last night and early this morning, worrying about this little volunteer-training/shift-coverage crisis that came up at the moms center where I'm the volunteer coordinator and how it looked like I was going to have to haul my nauseous butt out there to do the training, but CRAP I told Danny he could take the car to work so I'd have to contact the folks about borrowing a car and how would the timing of all that work with my dentist appointment I had for getting some cavities checked out and SHAME, SHAME, SHAME on me for getting cavities while pregnant in the first place because now I had to research and stress about what kind of toxic filling to get (the mercury amalgam, or the BPA-laden composite resin, or go for broke and find a dentist that could do gold fillings (and put some *bling* in my smile!)), and with all that going on, how would I write the press release for my client for sending on Friday? Gah! Toss, turn, toss, turn.

But then, this morning, I had an email from another volunteer saying she could do the training (THANK YOU!!!) and help cover some of the shift. And, I managed to get a start on the press release AND give Audrey a bath (miracle of miracles!!). AND THEN, I went to the dentist and not only do I not not have cavities, I don't have pregnancy gingivitis or ANYTHING ELSE wrong with my teeth or gums. The pain in my mouth is likely due to my SINUSES and I need to see my doctor. HALLELUJAH!!!!! I don't have to poison my fetus AND I'm not a dental hygiene fuck-up!

BUT THEN, less than a half hour into my cavity-free bliss, I talked to my brother and found out that his son, Phoenix--Audrey's cousin and bestest pal--was just diagnosed with Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease. Ack! And we were just over there playing with Phoenix for a couple hours on Monday, thinking how cute it is that they like to give each other hugs and kisses! Ack! Ack! The incubation period is 3-7 days, so we won't know for a while if we are out of the woods. Then my brother just called me back to say, "I don't want to freak you out, but I just heard from a woman at work that HF&M is dangerous for pregnant women, so call your midwife." ACK ACK ACK! [I just did a little poking around online, and I don't know if I need to freak out that much; I'm more freaked about poor Audrey getting it and having to suffer for a week.]

So, we'll wait and see what the midwives say, and whether Audrey gets it. In the meantime, it's back to worry worry, stress stress stress! (Oh, and did I mention my inlaws are coming into town tomorrow for a four-night visit??)

Beware of Thingies!!!

I am not happy with certain parts of my husband’s anatomy right now. I had deliberated for months about a plan, carefully weighing all factors, and that plan was to not get pregnant until summer 2009. I knew I did not want to be pregnant while chasing after a two-year-old, especially one that is still breastfeeding (A LOT, at times), teething and in diapers. Then, lo, one fateful, fertile August weekend, Danny decided to engage in some risky behavior, knowing full well we were in the Danger Zone. There were all sorts of famous-last-words type assurances made, and I put a stop to things quickly, but it was TOO LATE. This man’s little swimmers are major overachievers—the Michael Phelps of “man seed,” if you will. I knew as soon as I was one day late.

The first bit of fun was breast “tenderness” combined with a teething, nursing toddler. MY GOD. The pain! I was in tears most nights after nursing her at bedtime. When Audrey’s teething—which is always—she falls asleep on the boob with her jaw clamped shut. I seriously thought I was going to lose a nipple.

Then came the “morning” sickness. Like last time, I never actually throw up; I’m just really tired and nauseous for most of the day. Every diaper change is excruciating, even the wet ones. I keep the diaper bin out on the front porch—and hope the mail person can’t smell it! I mistakenly let Audrey eat whole cloves of roasted garlic one night and her diapers the next day were incredible. I hope I’m not ruined on garlic for life!

I don’t want to discourage anyone from “tandem nursing,” because every baby and pregnancy is different, but personally, so far, IT SUCKS! Breastfeeding and morning sickness do NOT go well together! I’m hungry all the time, but nothing sounds good to eat, let alone cook. I can’t even think about what I might possibly want to eat, because just doing that makes me ill. And being home with Audrey, I have to prepare food for her to eat. Blech. And she always wants mac-n-cheese, which I find especially nauseating.

Morning sickness and TEETHING do not go well together, either. Girl is up all night in pain, so I’m not getting near the rest I need.

About a week after I discovered that I was preggo, Danny came home from work limping. He blew his knee out while shooting hoops at lunch—same injury he had a few years ago and had surgery for. He’s having surgery again in a couple weeks. He’s being a trooper and trying to take care of things around the house, but he can only do so much after working all day and then hobbling around in discomfort. He has still managed to keep up on the cloth diapers, which is amazing. (We will go to disposable when he has his surgery!)

But meanwhile, the place is in shambles! The kitchen and bathroom border on unsanitary at times! Audrey gets a bath about once a week. I manage to shower a little more frequently. I think I’m getting a couple cavities, from snacking all night to keep the blood sugar up, eating mint candy all day and poor hygiene due to feeling gaggy. Laundry is piled EVERYWHERE. I had just started doing some freelance work and fortunately got the really big projects done before illness set in.

Family members come by to rescue Audrey so she doesn’t have to spend all day, every day, playing by herself while I lie on the couch. Fortunately, she can entertain herself for hours and hours with her animals and babies and books. I can actually do quite a bit with her while I’m on the couch: we do lots of coloring, read lots of books, sing songs. By the time I’m feeling better, I think she’ll know the alphabet, be able to count to 20 and have the entire flora and fauna of the Audubon guides to the PNW and California memorized.

Oh, and we are actually excited about Baby Two, Danny being the one experiencing most of that emotion right now. Audrey knows I’m pregnant, but doesn’t know what that means. Haven’t figured out when we’ll tell her yet, but she's a smarty-pants, so we should do it soon. We are home-birthing this time and have AWESOME midwives.

Last time the sickness lasted until week 15; I’m at about week nine now, but am improving slightly, so maybe it will be over sooner this time. I just want to be able to eat again…and to dance with Audrey when she asks me to.