Tosi and Rachel, my other midwife, kept warning me to not be surprised if Maggie didn’t arrive until my due date, which they had as May 14. Their anecdotal evidence over the years has shown that if moms are breastfeeding when they conceive, the second child does not arrive earlier than the first, or early like the first, but hangs out a little longer. I didn’t want to believe them, but of course they were right again. I would have liked her born on the 11th, since that’s my favorite date, but when that didn’t happen I REALLY didn’t want her to be born on May 13 because that is Danny’s mom’s birthday. Not only was the lobbying for giving birth on that day annoying, I just wanted her to have her own b-day. (When Danny called his mom with the news she said, “Well, we can still celebrate on the same day….”)
So, the night of the 13th, with me still miserably pregnant, we decided to try kick-starting things with S-E-X! The first time in like FIVE months because of all my issues I’d been having. A couple hours later, I was asleep on the couch, having weird dreams about not wanting my mom to watch Audrey while I was birthing because my mom was drunk all the time (SO not my mom…). I woke up around 12:45 and felt a pop and thought it was my water breaking, but I didn’t feel a big gush like when it happened with Audrey. I lay there for a while, feeling a couple of contractions—far apart—and then got up to go pee, at which time I noticed my PJ bottoms were soaked! I paced around the house, leaking fluid, waiting to see how regular the contractions were going to get.
When the contractions hit a regular interval (about eight minutes apart) I woke up Danny. That was about 2:30 a.m., and he gave Tosi a call. She said to let her know when the contractions lasted a minute or longer, or got really intense, or we just felt we wanted her there. Danny puttered around preparing the blanket warmer, sterilizing the scissors, setting out supplies, etc., while I walked and rocked through increasingly intense contractions. Danny wanted to call Tosi back at 3:30, but I kept saying, “I don’t know…let me see how the next contraction is.” Around 4 a.m., after I threw up and the contractions were definitely lasting a minute, he said, “I’m calling NOW.”
About 15 minutes later there was knock and I knew it must be the other Rachel, the midwife-in-training who had been our doula for Audrey’s birth (she lives just a few blocks away). Doula-Rachel starting setting up the birth tub and Tosi arrived about 15 minutes later. Then we got into the big, wonderful difference between home and hospital birth: I walked around and rested and hung on Danny and/or a dining room chair during contractions, while the midwives did their thing, interrupting me only a couple times to listen to the baby’s heart rate. Tosi asked if I wanted her to give me a vaginal exam and the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind, because I just knew things were progressing. She didn’t feel the need for one either. (With Audrey, the hospital nurses gave me one EVERY hour, even once when I was on the toilet!)
A little after five, it must have been, I got really hot and stripped of my pants, then I didn’t want my glasses on any more. Just a few minutes earlier, Danny had called my mom to tell her to head over because Audrey could wake up any time after six and we needed someone here for her. Then there was no break in contractions and everything was really intense and I suddenly started doing the grunting and lip blowing sounds. Danny was just thinking to himself, “Hmmmm….I wonder if this is happening soon?” when Tosi, hearing those sounds, was suddenly kneeling behind me, throwing down the splat mat, giving me the OK to push. They’d just finished getting the birth tub ready, but I couldn’t imagine myself climbing into something at that point, and Tosi could see the head already, so I said, “I just want to get on my hands and knees here.”
All this was going on in the living room/dining room. Danny got down on the floor with me next to the dining room table and I nearly squeezed his head off as I clung to his neck during pushes. The head seemed to take forever (although all the pushing was only 1/2 hour total), and it didn’t come all the way out! Her chin was still in! Another push got that out, then it took some more to get her out to her waist, and her right hand was up on her shoulder. She coughed and sputtered while halfway out, then finally one more push and she was all out. Very different than with Audrey, when I got the head out, then one more push and then rest of her poured out. At one point doula-Rachel and Tosi said, “Whoa whoa whoa,” and I held back pushing. (That was probably when I got my little tear, but it was small, not even requiring stitches.) Doula-Rachel made the catch, her first planned catch, and handed Maggie up to me between my legs. She totally looked like Audrey at her birth, but without the pointy head. It was love at first sight, of course, as I held her while the midwives rubbed her all over with blankets and she took her first breaths. Tosi had Danny come sit behind me and I lay back on him, and eventually we replaced him with an upturned chair. I didn’t think Maggie looked all that big as I held her, but she was pleasantly plump, not super new-borny looking. Tosi said it was a very gentle birth, the way it happened in stages like that.
My mom arrived about 13 minutes after Maggie was born, while I was impatiently waiting for the placenta to come out. We got Maggie latched on and I tried some pushing and finally it was out. It was healthy and HUGE!!! Tosi said they’re normally about as big as the spread of her hand, but this one went way beyond. The cord was long and thick, too. Tosi examined it and explained everything to Danny and my mom and me.
Audrey woke up around 6:30 and was a little weirded out be everything, I think, but Grandma was there to scoop her up. We showed her the baby, but she was more interested in the lit candles on the table. Tosi disappeared into the kitchen and came out with a platter of fruit, cheese and cookies she’d found, with a candle in the center and we all sang “Happy Birthday” to Maggie.
Here’s the other great part with the homebirth: When I was ready to get off the floor and try peeing, I then got to head to my own bed! Where I hung out with my new baby, hubby, daughter and mom, while the midwives cleaned up, did paperwork, and lastly, did the newborn exam, after me getting a couple hours to bond with Maggie.
I was surprised, and not surprised, when they told me she was 10 pounds. I didn’t think I looked that big! But I hadn’t been worried about the size at all—I knew my body could push out whatever was in there. But, I have to say, when she is stretched out next to me in bed I stare at her thinking, “Holy shit!! How were you inside me?? You are huge!!” She seriously looked like a six- or eight-week old when she was two weeks old.
The first week with Audrey was a little rough. Before the birth, Danny and I both had worries of, “Oh, how will we ever love any child as much as Audrey?” But after the birth, I totally couldn’t handle being around her! Part of it was feeling intense empathy for her, with her whole world turned upside down, but part of it was just not being able to handle a big noisy bouncing toddler. I just wanted to be holed away with my newborn, which the situation kind of necessitates. It was much better by the second week. I can tear myself from Maggie now, can handle Audrey again and try to fit in some just Audrey time whenever possible (though it isn’t much yet, and is constantly interrupted).
Danny is back at work and things are not easy. I was hoping Maggie would be a better sleeper than Audrey, but so far, no luck. She’s super sensitive to burps and poops and will stay awake for hours if either is bothering her, so I spend twice as much time tending to her as I should be. Not only does it cut into Audrey time, but also my time to eat, pee, shower, sleep, etc. I’m remembering now why Zesty Jenny would call her newborn the Tiny Dictator: everything is non-stop with a newborn! It is one thing after another! I think Maggie is even more high maintenance than Audrey, which I didn’t think was possible. Due to this, I started TOTALLY freaking out about the upcoming move, so we are hiring people to pack and move our shit—going for broke, but oh so less stressful!
With Maggie being so demanding, though, I’m physically and emotionally exhausted so the only tone of voice I have for Audrey, in all her two-year-old-ness, is exasperation, which isn’t fair or healthy—I don’t want her to learn to communicate that way! I vow to be better every day, but the days keep kicking my ass!!! Danny is taking at least three more weeks off starting next week, so life should improve dramatically then. Not that it is as bad as all that makes it seem. We have accepted a life of squalor and expensive convenience diet and are really really happy to be with our two girls, accomplishing one step forward each day for the two we take back. And we are enjoying soaking up all the newborn goodness—the sounds, the softness, the sleeping on the chest, the facial expressions. Adorable!!
I’ll hopefully start the family blog soon and send out a bunch of photos because these girls are ridiculously cute!!! Ya’ know, with all my free time…
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